The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
