me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize