Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i will never coherently bang her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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