it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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