The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
