I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
