I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
