You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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