STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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