Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
