the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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