where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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