i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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