just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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