Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
