My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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