No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
