i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
