Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
