i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you had me at cake vodka
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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