You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Girls should come with a carfax report
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize