Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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