i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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