I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize