No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Everything about him screamed your future.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
