I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
