I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
