Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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