OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
