This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize