I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
NoShamevember. You game?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
