Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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