i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He uses pillows to masturbate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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