I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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