it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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