no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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