i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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