You're a womanizer and a bitch.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My life is pants optional.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
