He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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