Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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