i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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