I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
