I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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