his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
