sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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