I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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