He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
