He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
