Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize