thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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