Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
