i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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