oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
