Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Randomize
