Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
