OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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