i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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