Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Congratulations! We have a period
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
