I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize