I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize