gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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