i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
