When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
