Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
