I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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