How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
