so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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