I want to make a zoo with you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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