i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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