I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
