If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize