We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
