dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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