She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
