I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
