dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
