i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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