woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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