i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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