I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
