im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize