mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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