Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
