Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
