Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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