just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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