Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
