Will you blow on my dice?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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