I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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