Who did Billy Mays play for?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
