I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
