Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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