Swine flu. Run for my life!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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