Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
