just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My dick has a subreddit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
