Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
