I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
