yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
