i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
