Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
