she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He did a backflip because drugs
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
