Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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