ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
