batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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