yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
