I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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