I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
