Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
