just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
