I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if only i could text you this smell
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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