We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
